My brain has been busy dictating blog posts to fingers that are too busy to redirect my feet towards a keyboard. I feel like I’ve been running on fumes since April, and yet I have no viable explanation for how I could possibly still be going. Maybe it’s the every-third-day cup of coffee or the new pitcher of sweet tea in the fridge. Maybe it’s the empty gallon Ziplock bag that once housed a batch of cookies, frozen, in the freezer.
(They didn’t stay in the freezer nearly long enough to be called anything but a momentary delight.)
The truth is I’m getting through each day. I’m picking myself up and getting certain things done while others. just. wait. Some things I’m pretty proud of — like getting back into the gym (carefully) after a year of pain and signing back up with my trainer. Like devising a method of cleaning cat puke out of my white carpet without leaving a faint stain. Like traveling to New York City for the day with my dear friend Sarah J. and not getting lost in Manhattan or missing our bus home.
Some things were necessary — like buying a new computer and spending time downloading programs and getting it situated to become a place where I can work again (almost there!). Like taking the Jack the Mac up to Annapolis to get a new battery and fans. Like all of the things I do that go along with the job of being the president of my community’s HOA.
And some things were just neglected — like the homework assignments for my online “Ed2Go” class on Travel Writing, which seemed perfect at the time I signed up for it but quickly became the least important thing in my life. Like washing my filthy car, which by now really needs an intensive wipe-down, wax and paint touch-up job. Like calling people back after they’ve left me messages on my phone.
In between all of these proud of things, these necessary things, these neglected things, were a million-and-a-half other things… Laundry. Reading books. Trying to wrap my head around going gluten-free. Cleaning the toilets. Feeding the cat. Balancing the checkbook. Stressing. Clearing out old magazines. Following up with health concerns despite doctors being dismissive of my concerns. Sleeping. Filling prescriptions. Paying bills. Wiping down the counters. Wearing my retainer. Petting the cat. More laundry. Washing dishes. Hanging up some artwork. Writing thank you notes. Going to work. Putting gas in the car. Getting injections in my shoulder. Worrying. Visiting my friends. Throwing out rotten food from the refrigerator. Making appointments. Keeping up with my Google Reader. Thinking. Dreaming.
When did I ever have time to dog-sit? When did I ever have time to hit the gym three times a week, sometimes four? When did I ever have time to cook myself a decent dinner and enjoy it without doing something else while I ate, or rushing through it to go do something else? When did I ever have time to relax and enjoy the small moments of my life?
When will I run out of things “to do”? Or, better yet, when will I learn to manage my “to do” list better — saying “No” to certain things before they even make the list? I’m learning. At least, I like to think I’m learning. I have plans to let go of certain things in 2010… things like a position on the Board of the HOA. Things like signing up for more online classes when I really do my best in a classroom.
But first I know I’ve got serious things to do — I’ve got to read through my assignments and take the final exam for this online class. I’ve got to go to an appointment with a new Primary Care Physician this week, and continue seeking answers for my health questions. I’ve got to set a date for and hold an Annual Meeting for my neighborhood and hopefully elect my replacement.
I’ve also got fun things to do — like driving down to South Carolina to visit Steph, Kolter and their new baby, Kale. Like going camping with Sarah and Keith in Ohiopyle State Park and touring two Frank Lloyd Wright houses. Like going to yoga class with Aimee.
Somehow, I’ve just got to remember that the fun things are FUN. And the serious things won’t KILL me. And the neglected things won’t HAUNT me. And that really, in the big scheme of things, I’m still a functioning human being even if I sometimes feel like a robot.
Whatever has been going on with your health, I hope your doctors are able to figure it out.
And more importantly, I wish for you many more wonderful and peaceful days where your to-do list doesn’t overshadow your ‘doing right this moment list’.
*hugs*
Thanks Ash! I recently got my results back from another round of blood work, and my thyroid and hormone levels are fine (I don’t have Hashimoto’s disease like my mom was diagnosed with earlier this year). However, the endocrinologist ultrasounded the right lobe of my thyroid (the only lobe I have as the left-side was taken out last May) and I’ve got another nodule growing on it, 3 mm. The ultrasound from last May was clear prior to surgery to remove a 3 cm nodule from the left.
I don’t really like the new endocrinologist and am dissatisfied with my current PCP, so I’m going to a new PCP this Wednesday and hoping to go from there. I don’t want to have to undergo surgery again. As a precaution against getting Hashimoto’s, I’m thinking about adopting a gluten-free diet for a few weeks and see if I feel any better.
I never realized how PROACTIVE you have to be about your own health! The next step might just be going to Johns Hopkins and cutting out all of the local people; get a definitive answer once and for all! 🙂
I know how you feel. Sometimes it just seems that things will never let up and I’ve always found they do…eventually. Hang in there sweetie and have a great trip to SC!!!
*HUG* Thank you my dear! I won’t be able to make yoga this Wed (tomorrow), but the week after — Yes?! Do you have Emma for the 3rd weekend in June?
[…] the past few months and all of the things that I’ve had clamoring for my attention, all I could do was give a little laugh. “You […]
I will try to make next Wednesday as well. Meaning June 19th weekend? If so, no, she is with Jeff that weekend.
Man, I’ve been dealing with the never ending “to do” list myself… for at leas the last month or so! I decided to keep a list, not of ALL the things I need to do, but just the most critical to get done in the near future — on a short notepad (say, 20 lines). Then I try and do at least one a day (more if I can, but that’s only required on the weekends) and cross it off. Then, when half the things are crossed off, I make a new list and add anything that has moved up in urgency.
It’s silly, but it gives me the illusion that my list is finite and keeps me on track (I get distracted very easily).
Hope everything is going better. I got your sweet card yesterday. I even carried it with me to the Sting concert, so I could find time to read it. 😀