I do it for the entertainment value

A few days ago, Dakota sneaked her tennis ball dumbbell into the house behind my back. It was wet and dirty, and as soon as I realized what she had done I banished the dumbbell to the porch and backyard again. Afterwards I felt bad, because it is obviously her favorite toy and she was forlorn without it. She’d go out on the porch, grab the toy and stand there, looking into the living room like, “Can I come back in now?” To make things worse, the rain stopped her from laying in the middle of the backyard and chewing on her dumbbell to her heart’s content.

So, I did what any good dog-sitter would do… I stopped by PetCo and bought a replacement toy. But instead of the dumbbell I bought this crazy, asterisk-shaped star of tennis ball material. The package said it featured an “erratic bounce.” *giggle*

I’m so glad I did, because I would never have laughed so hard as when I saw Dakota parading around the living room with what looked like a giant, tennis-ball-yellow alien pacifier sticking out of her mouth:

Just how big a hit is this new toy? Well, Dakota is a very picky eater. As in, unless you can get her to take a bite or two of her food to whet her apetite, she just won’t eat. At a typical meal, she takes five times as long to eat as Kelsy, who, as a lab has no issues whatsoever with chowing down. But apparently, all Dakota really needed was a friend to share her meal with:

Yes, I dog-sit for the entertainment value.

I also get a kick out of laying on the floor and making odd squealing/puppy crying noises, all in an attempt to be interesting enough to get shots like this:

Whatever noise I made must’ve really surprised Kelsy! Note that Kota is hanging out with her new best friend in the background… But last night I think I finally managed to bring over something more interesting than the tennis ball toy… Miss Kitty!

That’s Miss Kitty on top of the couch, head encircled in the clear, plastic elizabethan collar (a.k.a., the “hood”). She came out into the living room to investigate the new digs, but then felt the need to move to higher ground. I think it had something to do with the large, four-legged, lip-smacking, intently staring creature to the left.

Actually, everyone is getting along surprisingly well. I don’t have to worry about Kelsy at all, and I just have to watch Dakota to make sure she doesn’t go from watching to stalking. But she’s listening to me, and she’ll turn that crouch-and-pounce stance into the lay-down-and-stare mode if I so much as cough. Purrrfect!

Heaven’s lifetime achievement smackdown

It really is important to choose your child’s name wisely. I mean… what if, when you get to heaven, they gather everyone together and have “Lifetime Achievement Awards” for all of the persons that have each given-name? Could you imagine?!?

Moses #2: I grew up with a rocker for a dad and an actress for a mother. I starred in a few rock videos, overcame my own feelings of self-importance from growing up in a celebrity lifestyle, gave a few admirable performances on the big screen and managed to not become a druggie or date Lindsay Lohan. Instead I grew up, married an actress, got divorced, gave some money to charity, became a vegan, got married again, had a baby and gave up being a vegan. I started a wizard wrock band during a reemergence of Harry Potter mania, got a few more movie roles. When I died it was reported in People magazine.

Moses #1: Rather than be killed, my mother abandoned me on the Nile River. Later, God commissioned me to go to Egypt to save Hebrews from the Egyptians, and taught me how to inflict (and heal) plague. I sent ten plagues upon the Egyptians, a feat which is commemorated Passover, and took all of my people Canaan. On the way, God parted the waters of the Red Sea so we could pass, and as we camped I brought water forth from the desert. I weilded the rod of God, received the Ten Commandments, and was known as the leader of the Israelites. I lived to be 120 and was buried by God in an unmarked grave.

Moses #2: Damn man… You win!

Gwyneth: I’m so sorry my son, perhaps we should’ve named you Jerry. Or Melon.

Moses #2: You think? It’s so not fair; I didn’t even stand a chance against a lifetime like that, yet my sister won in her category!

Gwyneth: Well, she is the only “Apple”…

Moses #2: *sigh*

Adventures in dog-sitting

Yesterday I headed over to M’s after work and right after the turnoff for his street there was a state trooper blocking everyone else from entering a very busy neighborhood. Apparently, around 3 p.m. a tree had fallen across the road, and at 5 p.m. crews were still working to clear it. (We’ve sustained two days of near constant rain and high winds, so this doesn’t surprise me at all… I spent the entire night on Sunday waking up from dreams where a tree came down on the house. Luckily, the debris was limited to a ton of leaves and a few medium-sized sticks or small branches.)

So there I am, in the driveway clearing the fallen branches that I’d failed to remove on my commute to work that morning, and I hear a woman’s voice, “Hi there!” It was B, M’s sister-in-law who saw me pull into the driveway. She wanted to let me know that the fallen tree had wiped out the power to the entire neighborhood, and that if I needed anything at all that evening to just give her a call. Isn’t she a super-duper nice woman?!

I finished clearing the driveway and sure enough - the house was dark. And I couldn’t remember if M is on a well or if he has public water, so I didn’t try to turn on the water or flush any toilets. Instead, I called Mom.

“Hi Mom! Do you have power? You do? Well, do you want house guests? M lost power and it’s too dark to read inside the house. I’ll have to bring the dogs so ask Dad. Yeah? Well, ask again. You’re sure he’s okay with this? He’ll have to watch them while I’m at work tomorrow, because I won’t be able to drive them home before I go in. You’re sure? Ask again. It’s cool? Okay, I’ll pack up the car and see you in a few.”

So Kelsy, Dakota and I piled into the car and headed to my parents’ house. After being cooped up inside for two days due to rain, this was a grand adventure!

And sure enough — despite my best attempts the previous night, this morning Dad made a comment to the cat that indicated that he thought I’d be taking the dogs with me. Take them with me where? To work?!? I don’t think so! I might be able to get away with one dog on a CWS Friday but two? On a Tuesday?! C’mon. Mom and I looked at him like, “Are you serious?”

In the end though, Dad didn’t object to a day with the dogs. Actually, I think he’s looking forward to a day without Ben (the cat) underfoot because Ben will most likely be hiding under the bed for the next 12 hours or so, trying to disguise himself as a dust bunny. A 15-pound, growling dust bunny…

You don’t say?

I was recently tagged by Courtney to participate in this little game of blogger tag where you simply write six random things about yourself. Isn’t it obvious? It’s a bloggie chain game! Here’s what you do: Post the rules, write the post and don’t forget to tag six more people in your post, publish the post, and let those you’ve tagged know you’ve tagged them. And no. You won’t win the lottery, lose 10 pounds or stumble upon the secret to a great pie if you participate. But if you don’t participate, you’re going to get a nasty zit right in the middle of your forehead. It’s true!

And just because I need to go to the DMV and get a new driver’s license photo taken this week, I can’t risk the facial pepperoni so…

1. I can totally justify pizza as being a near-perfect food: fiber, dairy, vegetables, protein… my favorite slice features ham and mushrooms and I’m a big fan of cold pizza for breakfast. 

2. Given the option, I will almost *always* volunteer to drive. Except if driving involves going into a parking garage in the city. With those low ceilings, I always feel like I’m going to turn the corner and get stuck. Wedged in with hordes of screaming city dwellers wanting to get past only they can’t because I thought it possible to take my mid-size sedan into a parking garage. In scene two they look under their seats for baseball bats, umbrellas and live chickens with which to beat me out of my obstinance.

3. If I could do it all over again, I would have left him sooner. Before he made me doubt myself. 

4. I secretly dream of being an actress, although I’ll never follow up on it. I like the idea of learning new skills for each movie - like sword fighting, speaking Italian/Russian/German/Gaelic, steering a boat while shooting at the bad guy and looking determined, performing an impecable cha cha or jive, playing the guitar and sleeping with handsome men.

5. I recently got a “Friend Request” from an ex-BFF on Facebook. She wants to know if we could “try this friend thing again because, you know, Facebook brings people together.” I’m not sure we can, but I accepted the request anyway because I wanted to see her profile.

6. For the past several weeks I’ve been engaging Sarah S-E in a conversation about the names I *refuse* to name my unborn children. Among them? Carla. Horace. Jessica. Neil. Sascha. Richard. Marigold. Homer. Beatrice. Donald. Esther. Frank. The list goes on…

Hey Sarah S-E, Jenn, Max, Amy and Keith! You’ve been tagged.

To invite Shaggy, or not?

This past Friday marked the two-weeks-away date of my 29th birthday, and I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to do to celebrate. Planning something for my *actual* birthday - which is finally on a Friday - would be fun, except one of my friends is on travel for work that week and would be unable to attend. I could plan something for Saturday… except there’s a 50/50 chance that the grandparents will arrive to relieve me of my dog-sitting on Saturday, which means I need to clean house in preparation of turning it over for a week. Harumph.

Yesterday, after a morning mani/pedi with Mom for Mother’s Day, Sarah S-E and I drove up to Baltimore to meet with Nevin, our CND professor. Nevin is pretty dang awesome… so much so that NOT staying in touch with him after graduation is inexcusable. We had a bit of an adventure finding the restaurant - an Irish pub where I ordered a steak and portabello mushroom boxty, which is all that goodness wrapped up like a burrito with a potato pancake (YUMMY!) - and then spent four hours forgetting the time and chatting about all sorts of things: master’s projects, school politics, getting published, children killing car engines, crazy urban phone messages to the wrong person, the fact that I’m still “without a man,” and that Nevin can now tell us apart and we no longer have a class with him.

On the way up to out rendesvous with Nevin, Sarah and I were talking about my birthday and possible options for celebration. I could:

1. have a few people over for a cookout/firepit evening on Friday night,
2. try to set up a 2nd annual BYOChair outdoor movie night at my parents’ house for Friday or Saturday night,
3. wait ’til Saturday, and plan to meet all friends out at a restaurant or bar,
4. rent a bunch of movies and hang out in my PJs with the dogs, or
5. get a few people together to go to Pimlico race track for a day - and actually, Saturday, May 17 is the 133rd running of the Preakness! 

It’s a conundrum of indecision. But at least I don’t have to decide whether or not to invite Shaggy…

Understanding the dream

Last week I was texting with my friend Max, and once again it came up that I should to move out to Colorado. I must admit… I sort-of got a little bit of a crush on Colorado when I visited Max last year. I could totally live in an area with low humidity, where people are outside and active most of the year, and where you walk into a shop and there are dogs sleeping on the floor behind the counter or wagging their tails in greeting. A move to CO would put me near Max and his awesome girlfriend, Jenn, who understands that bidets are funny and who makes me laugh so hard my toes start cramping. And obviously, I could move out to Colorado and meet the Perfect Guy.

Max knew *exactly* what I was talking about: “You should!! No gay, meathead, biker, retards out here! Well, at least I don’t know of any.”

And that’s why I count Max as one of my best friends… He gets me.