Sometimes I think people at work come back to talk to me just because they’re bored and need to leave their desk for a little while. And most of the time, I’m happy to oblige — leading non-work conversations back to work-related things and trying to discover some tidbit or another that I can write about in the newsletter, or simply taking a mental break myself from the task(s) at hand…
But yesterday I didn’t want to be bothered. Yesterday I didn’t want to talk about me, or about someone else. I was busy — happily so — and invested in finishing a project. I was allowing work to be a vehicle to drive me through my day without having to feel sad or angry, worried or frustrated at specific injustices and recent occurrences. I needed to stay focused on something other than myself.
So I shot a sideways glance at the head in my doorway, the one who was inquiring about overhearing me talk about kharma* on the phone the day before, and said, “If 2009 is a boxing match and every month equals one round, I’m in the ninth round and am getting the shit kicked out of me. I’m still standing, but I don’t know how, and I cannot stop throwing punches to talk to you about this fight or I’m going down… and I have every intention of making it to the twelfth round.”
The inquisitive head left, and I was able to turn my full attention back to my work.
Punch, punch, jab, duck, punch.
The tenth round starts tomorrow…
* 2009 has been rather shitty, and I’ve decided that life is putting me into the equivalent of a kharmic black hole — I’m racking up all this bad kharmic debt because in 2010 life is going to be so fantastically amazing that if I had entered into 2010 with a “0” balance on the kharma scale, I would have to drop dead in 2011. But since I’ve got all of the kharmic debt on my side in 2009, when 2010 rolls over and I hit the kharmic jackpot, I won’t owe kharma anything to balance the scales.