Here I am, on the doorstep to 30 years of existence, and like most people every once in a while I will have a day where I delve into contemplation… thinking about past relationships, loves, breakups, heartbreak. Usually something sparks such deep thought — an encounter, a rumor, a memory, a feeling of déjà vu.
This time it was an album — 12 songs chronicling the end of a marriage — and I wasn’t so much absorbed in my own history as I was thinking about my dear friends… where they were when I met them, and what we’ve survived in the meantime. We’ve celebrated and consoled each other through marriage, divorce. New boyfriends, new exes. The anticipation of a first date, the disappointment of another misconnection.
Relationships can be so all-consuming, so powerful. They affect us, even when we don’t want them to. Even when we think we’re over it. Even when we run away.
They come into our lives and the length and breadth of their stay will have a profound impact on how we are, and in the end, who we are.
And hopefully somewhere along the way you will find that you’ve not only been fortunate enough to experience the joy of a new relationship, but that you’ve cultivated an entire, beautiful set of friendships — girlfriends — who will share not only share in your happiness, but provide support, love and understanding during those moments, weeks, months after a relationship fails and the disappointment rains down, washing out your legs from underneath you.
To my friends who are struggling right now: I love you. I’m here. Let me know what I can do. It will get better. My door is always open for you. I’ll bring the bottle of wine.
And if you need a new anthem to help you through the process of letting go, here are some possibilities from the new Pink album, Funhouse:
Drinking wine and thinking bliss / is on the other side of this / I just need a compass / and a willing accomplice / All my doubts that fill my head / are skidding up and down again / up and down and round again / down and up and round again
Oh I’ve had my chances / and I’ve taken them all / Just to end up right back here on the floor / To end up right back here on the floor.
You used to hold the door for me / Now you can’t wait to leave / You used to send me flowers if / You fucked up in my dreams / I used to make you laught with all / The silly shit I did / Now you roll your eyes and walk away / And shake your head
When the spark has gone / And the candles are out / And the song is done / And there’s no more sound / Whispers turn to yelling / And I’m thinking / How did we get so mean? / How do we just move on? / How do you feel in the morning when it comes / And everything’s undone
IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT
It’s all your fault / You called me beautiful / You turned me out / And now I can’t turn back / I hold my breath / Because you were perfect / But I’m running out of air / And it’s not fair
I’m trying to figure out what else to say / What else can I say? / To make you turn around and come back this way / Please come back this way
GLITTER IN THE AIR
It’s only half past the point of no return / The tip of the iceberg / The sun before the burn / The thunder before the lightning / And the breath before the phrase / Have you ever felt this way? / Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? / Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone