Just Love, or Grand Love?

Lately I’ve been having some pretty heavy discussions with my friends about life and love. More specifically, the focus of these chats has revolved around the probability (or not) that somewhere out there is a deeper connection with another person — a long sizzle of intensity, of passion to accompany the laughter, the friendship, the arguments over petty crap and the loving someone despite the fact that they tie their shoes backwards or can’t hard boil an egg.

We are wondering this as members of a generation that, for a good many of us, watched our parents’ marriages dissolve once the kids were off to college and their obligation to be a happy family was rendered a moot point. I am one of the lucky few. My parents managed to work it out; they figured out how to communicate again, to show each other respect and, for the most part, how to let go of some of the hurt feelings and bitterness acquired over the years.

I am also one of the few almost-30-somethings that is currently not married, nor divorced. Sometimes I count myself fortunate — I didn’t get married before I knew who I was, and I’m not trying to figure out how to be happy in spite of someone else. Then again, my dating history can’t really be chalked up as “successful” or “enviable” either. Living in a relatively stunted area with little to no entertainment choices and dating venues (save for the crappy movie theater, the old bowling alley or the overcrowded bar at Cheeseburger in Paradise) doesn’t help, and finding yourself flipping through your cell phone contacts only to realize that all of your single friends live in other states doesn’t help either. Unless you’re involved in church or team sports activities, your local dating options as a single girl in Southern Maryland are limited to trolling alone for guys without rings on their left finger in Lowes, the grocery store or at red lights. Pretty damn depressing. Even more depressing when you look in your bank account and realize that you can’t sign up for Match.com if you want to buy gas and groceries this week. *sigh*

So, with these things in mind, Denise and I got to talking one evening (on the phone, of course, as she’s located in Virginia…) about how movies and television depict Grand Love. While you’re watching it unfold you think, this story is so contrived, so predictable. You also might think it’s a touch unrealistic. But then when your own love life is wilting like an unwatered houseplant, you find yourself looking for, craving that sort of intense feeling for another human being that makes you want to run down the middle of your street in the dark of night, in a rainstorm, only to meet underneath the street lamp for a nose-crushing kiss with hair plastered all over the side of your face as the camera does a slow, circular pan around your entwined bodies.

This Grand Love… Does it exist, for real? And — just to be clear here — we’re not talking about a brief sizzle, a tiny flame of passion that burns itself out once libidos have been satisfied. We are talking about finding someone that your heart and mind both resonate with, and who in turn, feels the same way about you. A love that acknowledges and accepts the brutal nature of a life that experiences ups and downs, children and pets, hobbies and friends, chores and vacations, but that also never fails to fuel the mutual ardor past the honeymoon phase.

Does it exist?

And without knowing the answer to that question (for you wouldn’t know the answer unless you happened to find that kind of love – or thought you had found that kind of love – yourself), is it worth waiting to find and experience a Grand Love? Can practical love and passion be doled out in equal amounts and sustained in a relationship? Or will passion always fade into something more comfortable — leaving “just love” instead of a “great love” — making it an expendable component in the race to find a suitable mate?